Autumn Grunge

This is for the Rust challenge at the Digital Whisper blog.  Rust texture set by Yaensart at deviantArt.  Autumn background by Sveva at Renderosity.  Flying leaves by Zememz at deviantArt.
Plants and fairy were rendered by me in Daz Studio 4.6.

Thanks for looking!

Everything changes

For the past 7 years I've worked from home doing data verify and entry for a company. It was a good job, allowed me to be home for my kids when they were growing up and paid well.  I live in a small town quite a distance from the main office, so when they notified all of us that they will be phasing out their at home contractors by the end of the year, I had to make a change.  I found a job only a mile away from my home working in an office. My children are all grown, my youngest has moved to Minneapolis and is in college, and as much as I enjoyed working in my jammies, it was time to move on. I was really stressed about driving into work at my previous employer at such a distance in the winter, but now that worry has been removed as my commute time is only 3 minutes (maybe 15 on a terribly snowy day).  

This decision to work outside the home has been met with mixed thoughts from family. My children and husband are excited for me, my in-laws who live in Minnesota as well are happy for me, but my family in California (mom, sister, brother), are not happy for me.  This is normal for me, I've always been judged by my family, everything I do is never the "right" thing.  When we moved from California to Minnesota 13 years ago, they were unhappy and made rude comments. When I grow my hair long, they hate it. When I cut my hair short, they think I'd look better with it a little longer.  "Too much makeup", "Not enough makeup", "Too fat", "Too skinny"...I just can't win with them. When my middle child went into the Marines they made comments and asked me why I didn't stop him.  Like I have a say in what my 21 year old son does with his life.  The only person who has never been judgmental with me is my Dad.  He's always been my biggest supporter, and even when he doesn't agree with a decision I'm making, he supports me. If not for my Dad, I don't know where I'd be today.

The above collage captures how I feel most of the time about (most of) my family. I often wonder when, or if, this will change.  It's funny, even though my family's opinion of me doesn't bother me as much as it used to, it still hurts a little. But this life of mine is exactly that...Mine.  I love my family, but I can't let their opinion of me hurt me anymore. I guess I've finally come to the realization that this is their problem, not mine.  I'll always love them, and I know in their own weird way, they love me as well.

Summer's End

A poem I wrote a few years ago.  

Hanging On

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog.  I could give a few reasons for why I haven't updated, but the simplest is this: I am a terrible blogger.  I'll try to do better though...

The above picture was pained in Painter X3. It was done quickly, and is not the most detailed, but it describes how I've felt for most of this year.  So many things going on in my life right now, I am just trying to hang onto faith and hope with everything I am.  I know I am not the only person with problems, and for that reason I keep most things to myself, but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.  I am thankful that I have art in my life, the creative process really helps me work out things that are difficult. The creative process and walks in the woods and prayer. Lots of prayer.

As I said earlier, I will try to update this blog more often, especially now that Digital Whisper is here and I would love to participate in some of the challenges.  Hopefully I can stick to this because I think blogging can help me work some things out, even if I'm the only person who ever reads this.

Hope for 2014

It's been quite a while since I last posted here. I've been dealing with a lot since my last post.  My father became very ill and was diagnosed with leukemia in August, I received a promotion at work, but with that a lot more responsibility, and in November I spent 10 days in California visiting my parents, then once back home in Minnesota I became very ill and am only now beginning to feel better. There hasn't been a lot of time for creativity or social networking, but hopefully that will change in 2014.  

I hope this year is peaceful, full of love, good health, creativity and the warmth of friendship. 

Peace... 

Don't Want to Say Goodbye

I have physically been pronounced dead twice in my life, once as a child when I drowned, once as a teen when I accidentally overdosed on diet pills.  Death has never frightened me, just made me want to live my life to the fullest while I’m breathing.

This year my dad was diagnosed with leukemia. My father is and always will be my hero. I am the person I am today because of my father.  He has given me wisdom to live by, encouraged me to be strong and independent, been there for me in my most difficult times, helped me to see the beauty inside myself when I couldn't, and cheered me on when I've done well.  He is an amazing man. I know death is one day inevitable, as it is for all of us, but still…I don’t want him to go.

How selfish is that of me?

The blur that was August

Starting in mid July through August, life has been a blur. Starting in July I was working over time both at work and in the house in order to make sure everything was in order before we left for our trip in mid August to California to see our 21 year old son graduate from Marine Corp Recruit Depot. We drove with our oldest son and youngest daughter out on August 12. It took us 2 days to get to San Diego, and it wasn't a bad trip considering we hardly stopped. I think it helps that our children are not "children" anymore, (our oldest son is 24 and our daughter is  17).  I took quite a few pictures on the way out, all from the car window, and most of them turned out really well. However, I am just posting this one here, as it is my favorite.  This was taken in Wyoming.